Romeo and Juliet: Adventure Time version
by NightHawk9001
Summary: Romeo and Juliet with Adventure Time characters, part one.
1. Act I

Prologue

Choose Goose: (ahem) Here's a spoiler: They die in the end.

Now to the story of Flame Princess and Finn.

_Exit_

Scene I. Land of Ooo. A public place.

_Enter Scorcher and Torcho_

Torcho: Scorcher, o' my word, we'll not carry coals. No, for then we should be colliers. I mean, and we be in choler, we'll draw. Whatever that means. I just hate working. I strike quickly, being moved. But thou art not quickly moved to strike. Sorry, I'm just talking to myself right now.

Scorcher: …

Torcho: I see you're still giving me that silent treatment. No matter. I wonder, why is there a feud again? You know, between our Fire Kingdom and the neighboring Ice Kingdom?

Scorcher: …

Torcho: You're right, I do suppose it's just nature's way. Glob, I just can't stand those people either. They are not quite strong much like us. Sometimes I just wish I could battle them all. In fact, I may want to do that today. You know, just for laughs.

Scorcher: …

Torcho: Well, when you put it that way, I will! I'll show that Ice Kingdom who it's daddy is! Here comes an inhabitant! I shall bite my thumb towards them, which at this time of age, is a sign of disrespect.

_Enter Tree Trunks and Beemo_

Beemo: Doopity doopity bop. I don't know where I am going.

_Tree Trunks notices Torcho biting his thumb at her_

Tree Trunks: Oh my, what a rude gesture. Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

Torcho: I do bite my thumb, ma'am.

Tree Trunks: …Do you bite your thumb at US, sir?

Torcho: [Aside to Scorcher] Is the law of our side, if I say ay?

Scorcher: …

Torcho: No, ma'am, I do not bite my thumb at you, ma'am, but I bite my thumb, ma'am. Do you quarrel, ma'am?

Tree Trunks: Quarrel sir! No, I do not fight, sir. I just make some homemade apple pies.

Torcho: Well, I still challenge you to a du-el!

Tree Trunks: I decline your offer, because you know, I'm old.

Torcho: Well, madam, I just want to say…en garde!

_Torcho draws out a sword and begins slashing it to Tree Trunks' direction_

Tree Trunks: Oh my, I do not have the time for this.

_Enter Jake_

Jake: Part, fools! Put up your sword; you know not what you do. For the irony of it, I shall take out my own sword so you know what you are messing with.

_Beats down the sword with his own sword_

_Enter Furnius_

Furnius: Well well well, if it isn't the Ice Kingdom inhabitants starting yet another fight in our very own town square. How typical. Turn thee, Jake, look upon thy death.

Jake: I didn't start this, your men did! I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword, or manage it to part these men with me.

Furnius: What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word, as I hate the Nightosphere, all Ice Kingdom inhabitants, and thee. Have at thee, coward!

_They fight_

_Enter, several of both kingdoms, who join the fray; then enter citizens, with clubs, and the entire crowd of people begin fighting each other_

Cinnamon Bun: Clubs, bills, and partisans! Strike! Beat them down! Down with the Fire Kingdom! Down with the Ice Kingdom! I don't know whose side I'm on!

_Enter Flame King and Flame Queen_

Flame King: What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

Flame Queen: A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?

Flame King: My sword, I say! Old Joshua is to come, and flourishes his blade in spite of me. Or I just want to fight him too.

_Enter King Joshua and Lady Margaret_

Joshua: Oh great, you guys again…

Margaret: Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.

Ice Kingdom Citizen: Guys look! It's the Earl!

_Enter Earl of Lemongrab_

Lemongrab: I AM…THE EARL! OF LEMONGRAB! WHAT IS THE COMMOTION HERE?! YOU TWO! THE KINGDOMS…FIGHTING AGAIN?! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! YOU! FIRE KINGDOM ROYALTY! SEE ME! ICE KINGDOM ROYALTY, JOSHUA AND MARGARET! YOU SHALL SEE ME LATER! IF I SEE YOU GUYS STARTING FIGHTS AGAIN, I'LL KICK YOUR BUTTS OUT OF HERE! ARRRGH!

_Exeunt all but King Joshua, Lady Margaret, and Jake_

Joshua: Urgh, this is the third time this happened. Yo Jake, what caused it this time?

Jake: Oh you know, the usual. Furnius starting junk.

Margaret: O, where is Finn? I believe he skipped breakfast. Good thing he did not witness these malevolent actions.

Jake: I didn't see him, but I think he's…er, somewhere.

_Enter Finn_

Jake: Oh, there he is.

Joshua: I'll leave y'all to talk. Come, madam, let's away.

_Exeunt Joshua and Margaret_

Jake: Sup Finn.

Finn: Is the day so young?

Jake: It's just 9 am.

Finn: Well, the morning went by fast. Was that dad you were talking to?

Jake: It was. Why so sad?

Finn: You know, I just feel lonely.

Jake: In love?

Finn: Out-

Jake: Of love?

Finn: Out of her favor, where I am in love. Or was. Hmm, I don't even know.

Jake: It was Bubblegum, wasn't it?

Finn: Yes, twas Bubblegum.

Jake: Oh well, I'm sure there are better girls.

Finn: Perhaps, but one like Princess Bubblegum, there won't be one to repla-

Jake: Good Glob man, there's much better ones than her. She's pretty boring if you ask me.

Finn: I know, but the grief causes me to feel depressed, never have I felt as emotionless as when she pierced me into rejection. She'll not be hit with Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit. O, she is rich in beauty, only poor, that when she dies with beauty dies her store. For beauty starved with her severity cuts beauty off from all posterity. She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair to merit bliss by making me despair. She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow. Do I live dead that live to tell it now.

Jake: Sheesh, you don't have to be so melodramatic about it. Listen, to get you out of your strange lovesickness, how about we go find someone's party to crash? Because you know, carpe diem.

Finn: Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here. This is not Finn, he's some other where.

Jake: Bro, stop acting like this.

Finn: Alright, I'll accompany you, hopefully trying not to remember of my once lived love interest with Bubblegum.

Jake: Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.

Finn: O, teach me how I should forget to think.

Jake: I'll just tell you about this really cool fight that happened just this morning.

Finn: There was a fight?

_Finn looks around at the ruins of the town square_

I can't believe I just now noticed all the destruction that surrounded me.

Exeunt

Scene II. A street.

_Enter Flame King, Brocko, and Flambo_

Flame King: So! Mr.…Brocko. You say you want to marry my daughter, now do you?

Brocko: O, yes, your highness! But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?

Flame King: Eh, looks good from what I see. My child is yet a stranger in the world; she hath not seen the change of fourteen years. Let two more summers wither in their pride, ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.

Brocko: Yeah, 'cause you know, she's hot.

Flame King: She gets that often. Now come! I must check the list of invited guests for our cotillion on this night.

_To Flambo, giving a paper_

Ayo Flambo, round up these people! Tell them there's a party at my castle! This evening! We're gonna go talk about important business stuff that does not concern you now. Excuse us.

_Exeunt Flame King and Brocko_

Flambo: I need to find a better job…

_Enter Finn and Jake_

Jake: And that's where babies come from.

Finn: Gross.

Jake: You still in the mood to crash parties now?

Finn: Nah, I wish I could have been in that fight though.

Jake: Why, Finn, art thou mad, brother?

Finn: Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is. Oh, hello, good servant.

Flambo: Glob gi' god-den. I pray, sir, can you read?

Finn: Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.

Flambo: Perhaps you have learned it without book, but, I pray, can you read anything you see?

Finn: Ay, if I know the letters and the language.

Flambo: You must be kidding me.

Finn: Just kidding bro, I can read.

_Reads invitation list_

Let's see here:

'Signior Burrito and his wife and daughters

Duke of Nuts and family

Lady Rainicorn

Wildberry Princess and her lovely nieces

Fire Count

My fair niece Bubblegum

Tiffany

Torcho and his cousin Furnius

Stan and the lively Doctor Lollipop.'

A fair assembly: whither should they come?

Flambo: Up.

Finn: Down?

Flambo: I mean to our house.

Finn: Whose house?

Flambo: My master's.

Finn: Indeed, I should have asked you that before.

Flambo: Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the great rich Flame King, and if you be not of the citizens of the Ice Kingdom, I pray, come and crush a cup of punch.

Jake: We do come from the Ice Kingdom, but we would still like to come to the party.

Flambo: Hmm, I could cast that Flame Shield spell on you…meh, what the heck, it's partying.

Flambo casts Flame Shield on Finn and Jake

Flambo: Rest you merry!

_Exit_

Jake: Aw, it's a Fire Kingdom party. Well, at least he made us blue and fireproof. And I heard Bubblegum's gonna be there.

Finn: I don't care about her anymore. I'll just go to the party to check it out.

Jake: I can tell you're lying.

Finn: You know me too well.

_Exeunt_

Scene III. A room in Capulet's house.

_Enter Flame Queen and Nurse Marceline_

Flame Queen: Marceline, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me.

Marceline: Huh? Oh, sure. HEY FLAME PRINCESS!

_Enter Flame Princess_

Flame Princess: What?

Marceline: Your mother.

Flame Princess: I am here, madam. What is your will?

Flame Queen: I want to talk about something with you. Nurse Marcy, give leave awhile. We must talk in secret. Nurse, come back again. I have remembered me, thou's hear our consel, and I can't make up my mind today. Now, you know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.

Marceline: Yeah I know.

Flame Queen: She's not fourteen.

Marceline: But she's…almost fourteen. How much longer again?

Flame Queen: A fortnight and odd days.

Marceline: Oh yeah, I still remember when you were that young. And when your mother was that young. And her mother. And her mother. And her maternal parent. And so on.

Flame Queen: We get it, you're old.

Marceline: It's just over 1000 years.

Flame Princess: So what did you call me in here for?

Marceline: No idea, your mom just wanted me in here, supposedly because I've worked in this house for so many centuries. And of all the people I had to nurse and babysit, you were the best so far. Or perhaps, the least terrible. And prettiest too. I'm sure one day, I'll see you get married.

Flame Queen: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme I came to talk of. Marriage, if you get what I mean. Tell me, daughter. How stands your disposition to be married?

Flame Princess: I don't wanna.

Marceline: Really? Well, I suppose it has to do with you being so young, and you still have life to live.

Flame Princess: Nah, it's just that I don't see any guys that satisfy me.

Flame Queen: Well, think of marriage now. The valiant suitor Brocko seeks you for his love.

Marceline: I think it's more of her decision though.

Flame Queen: But I am saying when the time comes, I think the best choice would be this Brocko gentleman, who is perfect and he's been waiting to court her for his entire life.

Marceline: Again, deciding on the dude is also what she does.

Flame Queen: What say you? Can you love the gentleman? He's gonna be here tonight, and look oh so very handsome. He's a great guy, daughter, and I'm sure you'll find delight writ there with beauty's pen; examine every married lineament, and see how one another lends content and what obscured in this fair volume lies. Find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, to beautify him, only lack-

Marceline: Hey, Queen, you're so going overboard with this. Like, totes exaggerating.

Flame Queen: Speak briefly, can you like of Brocko's love?

Flame Princess: I'll look to like, if looking liking move. That's not a 100% yes, it just means partial. I'm not desperate.

_Enter Flambo_

Flambo: Oh Flaaaaaaaaame Queeeeeeeeen! The party is ready and the guests should be arriiiiiiiiiiviiiiiiiiiiing!

Flame Queen: We follow thee.

_Exit Flambo_

Flame Princess, the county stays.

Marceline: WOO LET'S PART-AY!

_Exeunt_

Scene IV. A street.

_Enter Finn, Lumpy Space Princess, Jake, and Beemo with about five other dudes, torch-bearers, and others_

Finn: I left my other sock at home. I always forget my other sock.

Jake: Oh, Finn. Whatever, let's just get to the Fire Palace for this part-ay.

Finn: Give me a torch. I can't see, and we're at the not-very-bright part of the Fire Kingdom. I hear some real idiots live here.

Lumpy Space Princess: Go faster Finn, we must dance tonight.

Finn: Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes with nimble soles. I have a soul of lead, so stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

Lumpy Space Princess: Pfft, drama queen. I can't even wear shoes if I don't have feet, can't I? I could like, maybe put them on my hands or something, but that's it.

Jake: Actually, I think the Drama Queen's gonna be at this party too.

Finn: I'm depressed. I keep getting turned down by chicks before I even get a chance.

Lumpy Space Princess: You just need to find a girl who's your type. Should I call one of my friends? I think some of my bff's always talked about wanting to go out with you.

Finn: No, your friends are usually…strange.

Lumpy Space Princess: Fine, be that way, Finn.

Jake: So, uh, how about this party?

Lumpy Space Princess: Ugh, we're wasting time not being at this party by not being at this lumping party!

Finn: I'm just saying, I feel we shouldn't go to this festivity.

Lumpy Space Princess: Why, may one ask?

Finn: I dreamed a dream to-night.

Lumpy Space Princess: And so did I.

Finn: Well, what was yours?

Lumpy Space Princess: That dreamers often lie.

Finn: In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.

Lumpy Space Princess: Finn! Will you stop stalling us?! I've been wanting to get to this freaking party, but you lumptards are all like, 'Oh, I feel lovesick and I've got strange dreams' and 'Why can't you bring both of your socks to the party next time?' and 'BEEP BOOP BOP BLOOP BLEEP!'

Beemo: Haha, she imitated me perfectly.

Finn: LSP, chill out for a sec! You don't have to worry so much!

Lumpy Space Princess: Well prove it to me! Let's get on to the lumping Fire Palace so I can lumping crash their party, and the lumping boys can lumping watch me lumping boogying!

Jake: This wind, you talk of, blows us from ourselves. Supper is done, and we shall come too late.

Finn: That made no sense, but yeah. Let's go to their celebration thingy now. Hopefully it can go well, though I fear, too early: for my mind misgives that some consequence yet hanging in the stars shall bitterly begin his fearful date with this night's revels and expire the term of a despised life closed in my breast by some vile forfeit of untimely death. But oh great and wise Cosmic Owl, that hath the steerage of my course, direct my sail! On, lusty gentlemen.

Beemo: Does anyone else notice how our four shadows are bigger than us?

Jake: Strike, drum.

_Exeunt_

Scene V. A hall in the Fire Palace.

_Musicians waiting. Enter Fire Servingmen with napkins_

First Servant: Where's Potpan, that he helps not to take away? He shift a trencher? He scrape a trencher!

Second Servant: Sure, whatever floats your boat, man.

First Servant: Away with the joint-stools, remove the court-cupboard, look to the plate. Good thou, save me a piece of marchpane; and, as thou lovest me, let the porter let in Susan Grindstone and Nell. Antony, and Potpan!

Second Servant: Yeah, if we can cut the chitchat and get on with our labors, that'd be great.

First Servant: You are looked for and called for, asked for and sought for, in the great chamber.

Second Servant: I'm sure you'll be fired within the week.

Enter Flame King, with Flame Princess and others of his house, meeting the Guests and Maskers

Flame King: Welcome, gentlemen! And ladies. Anyone care to shake their booty on the dance floor?

_Music plays, and they dance_

More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up, and strengthen the fire, the room is grown too cool.

Fire Kingdom Citizen: Of course, your Highness.

Flame King: Ah, just look at all these guests! Some of them are so festive they're wearing masks. Oh well, not that their identity is my biggest concern for this here evening. Aren't you just enjoying yourself, daughter?

Flame Princess: Sure dad, whatever you say…

Flame King: [Talking to crowd] So as I was saying before, just last week I wrestled a this homeless guy who took my burger…

Finn: [To Flambo] What lady is that, the one next to the Flame King?

Flambo: Oh her? That's his daughter, the Flame Princess. Soon to be ruler of the land. Yep, she sure knows how to melt the men in this room, hoo-hoo!

Finn: O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear; beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! I don't understand how I can find the time to just randomly rhyme. Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

Furnius: Hmm, you sounded pretty corny to me.

Finn: What can I say? I have fallen in love once again. Adieu, fair gent.

Furnius: Hmm, that voice…should be from the Ice Kingdom! A trespasser from our enemy neighbor! He thinks he can mask his face and crash this party? To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Nay! Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, to strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.

Flame King: Whoa there, Furnius! Wherefore storm you so?

Furnius: Uncle, this is an Ice Citizen, our foe. A villain that is hither come in spite to scorn at our solemnity this night.

Flame King: Young Finn is it?

Furnius: 'Tis he, that villain Finn.

Flame King: Now now, content thee, gentle coz, let him alone; he bears him like a portly gentleman, and, to say truth, he's a pretty cool guy. Sorry, bad pun. I would not for the wealth of the entire town here in my house do him disparagement. Therefore be patient, take no note of him.

Furnius: But Uncle Flame King, he's the villain here! I'll not endure him.

Flame King: He shall be endured. If you don't like it, too bad. You're not the king here. This isn't your party. I don't see you wearing a crown. Am I the master here, or you?

Furnius: Why, uncle, 'tis a shame.

Flame King: Go to, go to! You are a saucy boy. You perhaps need some anger management classes. Now get out of here!

Furnius: I'll get rid of you, Finn…

_Exit_

Finn: [To Flame Princess] If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: my lips, two blushing pillows, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Flame Princess: How nice. Who are you?

Finn: I am a hero, but not just any hero, for I am your hero.

Flame Princess: Well for each hero, there is a princess, and that is what I am.

Finn: And a princess above all, you are. There may not be a princess in Ooo more beautiful than you are. I wish to kiss you.

Flame Princess: We just met. I'm not gonna kiss you if we just met.

Finn: Maybe if the time passes. Even though we've known each other for a few minutes, I have lost all feeling for any other girl in the land and have it all for you.

Flame Princess: You make me blush.

Finn: Have you ever eaten chocolate pudding? I have some if you want.

Flame Princess: I would like to try some, but perhaps for later eating.

Marceline: Flame Princess, your mom wants you.

Flame Princess: Excuse me, my nurse tells me I have to go.

Finn: What is her mother?

Marceline: Her mother is a mother. Duh. If you mean who she is, she's the Flame Queen, ruler of the Fire Kingdom. If you're still curious, her father is the Flame King, host of the party and ruler of previously said kingdom. And because you are so nosy, I'll have you know tomorrow we are having enchiladas for brunch. Do you have any more questions?

Finn: Is she Fire Kingdom royalty? Wait, sorry, that's a dumb question. O dear account! My life is my foe's debt.

Jake: Away, Finn. Let's get out of here. Show's over.

Finn: I will defy nature to be with Flame Princess.

Jake: Did you say something?

Finn: I did.

Jake: Oh. Well stop talking to yourself.

Flame King: By everyone, see you all next festivity!

_Exeunt all but Flame Princess and Marceline_

Flame Princess: Come hither, nurse. Who's the guy over there?

Marceline: The son and heir of old Mr. Creampuff.

Flame Princess: No, I mean the guy that now is going out of door?

Marceline: I think that be young Bon-Bon.

Flame Princess: I MEAN WHO'S THE GUY I WAS TALKING TO?!

Marceline: I've no idea.

Flame Princess: Go ask his name.

Marceline: Oh sure.

_Marceline leaves and comes back_

His name is Finn, and an inhabitant of the Ice Kingdom; the only son of your great enemy.

Flame Princess: My only love sprung from my only hate! Dang it! Stupid luck. I did not see it coming that I must love a loathed enemy.

Marceline: What's this? What do you mean?

Flame Princess: I, uh, may have…*cough* falleninlovewithhim *cough*. Oh, look at the time. Bye!

Marceline: Everyone's gone. Well, time for bed!

_Exeunt_


	2. Act II

Scene I. A lane by the wall of Fire Palace orchard.

_Enter Finn_

Finn: I won't be able to sleep tonight without seeing her one last time. I shall trespass the Fire Castle just for her.

_He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it_

_Enter Jake and Lumpy Space Princess_

Jake: Finn! Where are you going?

Lumpy Space Princess: He is wise; well not really. I'm being sarcastic. That fool is lovesick again, I suppose.

Jake: He ran this way, and leaped this orchard wall. Call him, LSP.

Lumpy Space Princess: My phone's dead, so I'll just yell. Yo Finn! Mr. Bigshot! The great and powerful lover of Ooo! Stop being Bubblegum's tool so we can go home!

Jake: If he hears you, you will anger him.

Lumpy Space Princess: This cannot anger him. It would anger him to raise a spirit in his mistress' circle, but I'm just talking about how he's being stupid for falling in love with Bubblegum. I conjure only but to raise up him.

Jake: Well, he's not coming back…

Lumpy Space Princess: Screw him; I need my beauty sleep after partying.

Jake: Meh, he'll come back home later. Let's go.

_Exeunt_

Scene II. Capulet's orchard.

_Enter Finn_

Finn: Please be here, please be here...

_Flame Princess appears above at a balcony window_

But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Flame Princess is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon. Destroy that sucker, it clearly can't appreciate your light because it's nighttime. We shall show that moon who's the boss, after we annihilate it with your awesome power. All the princesses get envious of you, just for your great beauty. They all be jealous, especially Jelly Princess. And I'm just like, 'It is my lady, O, it is my love!' Yeah, the guys will be jelly too when they see me with her. I think she may be saying something, but what? I must get closer to hear her soft, passionate voice. Her eyes sparkle brighter than these stars, as when they shine, it shames them. If only I can be up there with you, my love.

Flame Princess: It smells weird out here.

Finn: She speaks! O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of—huh, it does smell strange out here.

Flame Princess: Finn, O Finn! Wherefore art thou Finn?

Finn: I'm right here. Wait, I think she's asking why I'm Finn, not where I am. Hmm, I don't know. Shall I ask at this, or shall I hear more?

Flame Princess: Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be the princess of the Fire Kingdom. 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy, you are yourself, though not Ice Kingdom Royalty. What's to be part of the Ice Kingdom? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. And what's melancholy? I've been trying to remember what it means, it was like, feeling sad, right? As long as you are destined to be away from me, I will feel melancholy. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Finn would, were he not Finn called. Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Finn, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself.

Finn: I take thee at thy word, Flame Princess! Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized. Henceforth I never will be Finn.

Flame Princess: Finn? What are you doing here?!

Finn: I came here to see you, but only out of romance, not stalking. I'm more like a romantic stalker.

Flame Princess: Well, I guess that is true, so I won't call security on you. Art thou not Finn and a child of the King and Queen of the Ice Kingdom?

Finn: Neither, fair princess, if either you dislike. By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, not because I don't like it or anything, but because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word.

Flame Princess: How did you get here? The orchard walls are too high to climb, and if my kinsmen find you, they'd bake your buns faster than ovens could.

Finn: Love has no limits, and no matter what the risk, I would still come to see you, m'lady.

Flame Princess: If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

Finn: The Fire Guards can't see me. I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight. I can take on the toughest ones at any moment, for as long as I am with you, I attack harder than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.

Flame Princess: That's really sweet and all, but have you forgotten about you being from the Ice Kingdom and me being from the Fire Kingdom?

Finn: That may be the obstacle put between us in our difficult love, but at least I'm only a human and not an actual ice citizen, for then I'd melt as my heart does so.

Flame Princess: Alas, the feud between our families still separates us from so. It could be that we are not meant for each other.

Finn: This still does not stop me. I could climb the walls here just to get closer to you. Any monster can try to stop me, but I shall continue in search of what I wanted. That is what makes me tenacious, or I may just want a really cool item for my collection of mystical objects. There's this really cool glass orb with demon souls inside. I would adventure for such merchandise.

Flame Princess: It doesn't matter the limits, it only matters the thought of what could result from this. Dost thou love me? I know you're gonna say 'Yes,' and I will take thy word, but if you swear you may prove false.

Finn: Princess, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops—

Flame Princess: O, don't swear by the moon, it's inconstant.

Finn: Aw, but I was earlier kinda talking about how we should blow up the moon. What shall I swear by?

Flame Princess: Do not swear at all, there may be children nearby. If thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe you.

Finn: If my heart's dear love—

Flame Princess: It's getting late. There's no time for you to declare love on me, perhaps next time we meet, as doing it now would be too rash, too sudden.

Finn: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

Flame Princess: What satisfaction can you want tonight?

Finn: Uh…the exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

Flame Princess: I gave you mine before you didst request it, and yet I would it were to give again.

Finn: Can you give it again? For me?

Flame Princess: Man, you're so needy.

_Nurse Marceline calls within_

I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Finn, stay. I'll be right back.

_Exit, above_

Finn: O blessed, blessed night! I sure hope this isn't a dream. Let me just pinch my—ouch!

_Re-enter Flame Princess, above_

Flame Princess: Three words, dear Finn, and good night indeed. If you're serious about our love, propose marriage, send me word to-morrow, by one that I'll procure to come to thee, where and what time you wilt perform the rite, and all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay and follow thee my lord throughout the world.

Marceline: [Within] Flame Princess!

Flame Princess: I come, anon. But if you don't mean well, I do beseech thee—

Marceline: [Within] Flame Princess, get your butt to your room right now!

Flame Princess: By and by, I come! To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief, to-morrow will I send.

Finn: So thrive my soul—

Flame Princess: A thousand times good night!

_Exit, above_

Finn: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

_Finn lands on the floor_

I forgot I was on the balcony…

_Re-enter Flame Princess, above_

Flame Princess: Finn, come here!

Finn: Ugh…

Flame Princess: Finn!

Finn: My dear?

Flame Princess: At what o'clock to-morrow shall I send to thee?

Finn: At the hour of nine.

Flame Princess: I will not fail. It's twenty years till then. I have forgot why I did call thee back.

Finn: Let me just stand here until you remember it.

Flame Princess: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, remembering how I love your company.

Finn: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, forgetting any other home but this.

Flame Princess: That's gonna get us nowhere. 'Tis almost morning; I would have you gone by now, but I want you to stay.

Finn: But I cannot, for I am not welcome here. Tomorrow then. Good night!

Flame Princess: Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

_Exit, above_

Finn: Now if only I can get back up after that fall—uh, nope. Wait, wait, I think I got it. I'll try to walk it off…ow, nope, still hurts.

_Exit_

Scene III. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.

_Enter Friar Simon, with a basket_

Friar Simon: Ugh, I hate doing garden chores so early in the morning.

_Enter Finn_

Finn: Ice Friar Simon! Ice Friar Simon!

Friar Simon: Benedicite! Who's calling me at this time? Why, it's Finn! Hmm, it looks like you have not been in bed tonight.

Finn: That's true, Friar Simon; the sweeter rest was mine.

Friar Simon: Grod pardon sin! Were you with Bubblegum?

Finn: With Bubblegum, you ask Ice Friar? No, I have forgotten that name.

Friar Simon: That's good, but where have you been, then?

Finn: So I was at this party, right? I went there with my friends, though I wasn't much interested in the party much, but—

Friar Simon: Get to the point!

Finn: I had met the daughter of the Flame King, Flame Princess. After a while, we had agreed we had to be married, so I was hoping you could marry us today.

Friar Simon: Holy Saint Falcon, what a change is here! Is Bubblegum, whom thou didst love so dear, so soon forsaken?

Finn: Who?

Friar Simon: You, the son of the rulers of the Ice Kingdom, in love with Flame Princess, the daughter of the rules of the Fire Kingdom, whom your kingdom hates so much!

Finn: It doesn't matter to us whether or not our families are gonna support our relationship.

Friar Simon: It seems whack to me anyways. I'm not marrying you with her, it'll worsen the feud.

Finn: Or could it stop it? If we get married, they shouldn't have a reason to fight so much.

Friar Simon: Hmm, you do have a point there. Alright, what the hey-hey. I'll marry you two.

Finn: Yes! I must go now and tell the news to my friends.

Friar Simon: Yeah sure, I wish I had friends to tell news to…

_Exeunt_

Scene IV. A street.

_Enter Jake and Lumpy Space Princess_

Lumpy Space Princess: Where the sprite is Finn? Didn't he come home?

Jake: Don't think so.

Lumpy Space Princess: I'm pretty sure it had to do with him still wanting something with that pink-haired maniac Bubblegum.

Jake: From what I know, Furnius, nephew of Flame King, had sent a letter to his house.

Lumpy Space Princess: That mother-lumper Furnius.

Jake: Finn will answer it.

Lumpy Space Princess: Any dude who can write can answer a letter.

Jake: I've got a bad feeling if he does, though.

Lumpy Space Princess: Finn, if he is from the Ice Kingdom, should not fight someone from the Fire Kingdom.

Jake: Why, what is Furnius?

Lumpy Space Princess: More than prince of pussycats, I can tell you. He's like the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion. It's like he was trained by Billy himself.

Jake: Say what?

Lumpy Space Princess: He thinks he's so high and mighty, is what I mean.

_Enter Finn_

Jake: Here comes Finn.

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, look at him, thinking he can actually win Bubblegum over. He must call her the greatest female to step in the land of Ooo. Not even Princess Beautiful or Super Model Princess is good enough for him if he keeps thinking about PB. Finn, bonjour! That's a French greeting for your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit last night.

Finn: Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Lumpy Space Princess: The slip, sir, the slip; you lumping left us abandoned.

Finn: Pardon me, LSP. My business was great, and in cases, a man may strain courtesy.

Lumpy Space Princess: Pfft, I don't believe you.

Finn: You don't have to.

Lumpy Space Princess: I bet you were continuing this love story of yours.

Finn: You could say that.

Lumpy Space Princess: And it was connected to a certain…pink person?

Finn: Not pink for flower, but orange for the sun.

Lumpy Space Princess: Right.

Finn: I would explain this to you, but—

Lumpy Space Princess: Nope, I don't want to hear about it.

Finn: It has some juicy gossip involved.

Lumpy Space Princess: Drat, now I want to listen, but no. Come between us, Jake.

Finn: If you will just let me explain this—

Lumpy Space Princess: LALALALA NOT LISTENING.

Finn: Ugh, fine then.

_Enter Marceline and Peppermint Butler_

Lumpy Space Princess: Yo, check out these new guys!

Jake: A vampire and…a servant dude.

Marceline: Peppermint Butler!

Peppermint Butler: Anon!

Marceline: My umbrella, Peppy.

Lumpy Space Princess: Good Peppy, to hide her face; for her umbrella's the fairer face.

Marceline: Shut your mouth, purple cloud.

Lumpy Space Princess: Glob ye good den, fair gentlewoman.

Marceline: Is it good den?

Lumpy Space Princess: Well den, I must say den that if it's all good, den no need to ask den.

Marceline: You act annoying.

Finn: What is your business?

Marceline: Are you Finn?

Finn: Indeed I am, but may I ask what for?

Marceline: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.

Jake: She will indite him to some supper.

Lumpy Space Princess: LOL OMG.

Finn: I will follow you.

Lumpy Space Princess: Well, we best leave these two alone for their talk. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell.

_Exeunt Lumpy Space Princess and Jake_

Marceline: I can't stand her…

Finn: So, what did you want from me?

Marceline: I come here on Flame Princess' orders, as I am her nurse.

Peppermint Butler: And I'm the nurse's nurse! Or the butler.

Marceline: She told me something about, um, marriage, right?

Finn: We did indeed vow to get married.

Marceline: It seems pretty quickly to me, but this is like the 13th century, so it's normal.

Finn: So what should I tell her?

Marceline: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

Finn: Tell her to go to Friar Simon Petrikov's cell in the Ice Kingdom. There she shall be shrived and married.

Marceline: This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.

Finn: Good.

Marceline: O, but I must warn thee, there is a nobleman in town, one Brocko, that would fight you for Flame Princess. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer man, but you could work well with her too.

Finn: Hmm, as long as Brocko doesn't try getting in our way, I think we're good.

Marceline: Great, then I'll tell her these news.

Finn: I'll be there this afternoon. Bye!

_Exit Finn_

Marceline: Peppermint Butler!

Peppermint Butler: Anon!

Marceline: Nothing, just making sure you were paying attention.

_Exeunt_

Scene V. Capulet's orchard.

_Enter Flame Princess_

Flame Princess: Dang it, I sent the nurse out an hour ago and she's still not back yet. Where is she? Wait, she comes!

_Enter Marceline and Peppermint Butler_

Marcy, what news? Did you meet with him?

Peppermint Butler: Oh sure, don't mind me, I'm just the creepy butler who doesn't have anything to do with your problems. I'll just go now.

_Exit Peppermint Butler_

Flame Princess: So, what news do you bring? If they're bad news, tell them merrily; if good, thou shamest the music of sweet news by playing it to me with so sour a face.

Marceline: I am a-weary, give me leave awhile. I'm getting too old for this.

Flame Princess: Tell me what Finn said! Please?

Marceline: Hold on. Do you not see that I am out of breath?

Flame Princess: How are you out of breath, when you have breath to say to me that you are out of breath? The excuse that you make in this delay is longer than the tale you excuse. Are the news good or bad? Just tell me that.

Marceline: Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man. Finn, though he looks better than most men, has a better physical condition than most, and seems a lot cooler than most, there's some sort of flaw with him.

Flame Princess: No, no, but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? What about that?

Marceline: Let me rest. My head hurts, my back hurts, I need an aspirin.

Flame Princess: Marceline, I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but tell me, what says my love?

Marceline: Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I warrant, a virtuous…Where is your mother?

Flame Princess: Are you kidding me? Where is my mother?! What a strange reply! 'Your love says, like an honest gentleman, where is your mother?' What the fire, Marcy?

Marceline: Are you so hot? Sheesh, if you want, do your messages yourself.

Flame Princess: Please just tell me, what does Finn say?

Marceline: Have you got leave to go to shrift today?

Flame Princess: I have.

Marceline: Then go to Friar Simon Petrikov's cell in the Ice Kingdom, for there your man will make you his bride. I'm gonna go make dinner now.

Flame Princess: Yay! Thank you nurse! I'll be off to there then.

_Exeunt_

Scene VI. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.

_Enter Friar Simon and Finn_

Friar Simon: You ready for some marr-iage?

Finn: You bet! I'm so excited I didn't bother telling any of my friends about this wedding, but I guess that's why secret marriages are kept a secret.

Friar Simon: These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire embers and ice powder, which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness and in the taste confounds the appetite. This talk of food made me hungry. If only we had a buffet for the reception.

_Enter Flame Princess_

Here comes the lady, so now we can start!

Flame Princess: Is it time to get married already?

Friar Simon: We just have to prepare for holy matrimony and then we can commence.

Flame Princess: Sounds good to me.

Finn: Once we get married, we'll be forever united, and our family feud can suck it.

Flame Princess: Indeed. By the way, that chocolate pudding was delicious.

Friar Simon: Now let's get started, shall we?

_Exeunt_


	3. Act III

Scene I. A public place.

_Enter Lumpy Space Princess, Jake, and others_

Jake: LSP, let's retire. The day is hot, the Flames abroad, and the hotter it is, the more powerful they feel. If we meet, we shall not scape a brawl; for now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.

Lumpy Space Princess: I get it Jake. You're trying to wuss out. If those hotheads try fighting with me, I won't turn down. They asked for it.

Jake: Come on LSP, we should get to our daily chores.

Lumpy Space Princess: Pfft, you think I like chores? Your mood is as moody as a moody Italian guy whose mood is a result of his doom, which, by the way, is mood backwards.

Jake: I'm just saying.

Lumpy Space Princess: I don't care if Lemongrab exiles me for fighting these turds, it'll be worth it.

Jake: By my head, here come the Fire Kingdom citizens.

Lumpy Space Princess: You think I give a lump?

_Enter Furnius and others_

Furnius: Ugh, the Ice Kingdom people. Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.

Lumpy Space Princess: Well if it isn't the Prince of Cats himself. What's up Furnius?

Furnius: I need to talk to your friend, Finn—

Lumpy Space Princess: You want to mess with Finn? You'll have to get through me!

Jake: Shh! Guys, we're still in a public place. Go somewhere private if you don't want to get in trouble, or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

Lumpy Space Princess: Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; they're probably just staring at my sexy body.

_Enter Finn_

Furnius: Well, peace be with you, as the one I was looking for is here now.

Lumpy Space Princess: Lump off, you sucker.

Furnius: Finn, the hate I bear thee can afford no better term than this—thou art a villain.

Finn: Furnius, the reason that I have to love thee doth much excuse the appertaining rage to such a greeting: villain am I none; therefore farewell; I see you don't know me.

Furnius: Boy, you've got no idea with what you're messing with here. This shall not excuse the injuries that thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

Finn: I do protest, I never injured thee, but love thee better than thou canst devise, except you don't know the reason of my love. So, good Fire Citizen—whose name I tender as dearly as mine own—be satisfied.

Lumpy Space Princess: If you're not gonna fight this jerk, I will!

_Draws_

Furnius, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

Furnius: Will I walk? Sure. What wouldst thou have with me?

Lumpy Space Princess: Good king of pussycats, nothing but one of your nine lives that I mean to make bold withal. You will fight me unless you desire to be poultry!

Furnius: I am for you.

_Drawing_

Finn: Please LSP, put your sword up.

Lumpy Space Princess: Advance towards me, brethren!

_They fight_

Finn: Lumpy Space Princess, stop fighting Furnius! Oh Glob, what would the Earl say about this?

_Furnius under Finn's arm stabs LSP_

Furnius: Oh firetruck…

_Furnius and the other Fire Kingdom citizens flee_

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, I am hurt! A plague o' both your houses! I am sped. Did I win?

Jake: What, art thou hurt?

Lumpy Space Princess: A scratch, a scratch. Need not to worry. I may be fine, I think.

Finn: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. Plus, at these times, a cut is sort of like a death sentence, you know.

Lumpy Space Princess: No, the cut isn't that deep. Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man…that's a pun. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your houses! This bumps, man. Why came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.

Finn: I thought all for the best.

Lumpy Space Princess: Help me into some house, Jake. I need rest or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, and soundly too…your houses!

_Exeunt Lumpy Space Princess and Jake_

Finn: And to think I've been part of Furnius' family in this past hour…

_Re-enter Jake_

Jake: O Finn, Finn, Lumpy Space Princess is dead!

Finn: That wretch will have to pay for what he had done…

Jake: Here comes the furious Furnius back again.

Finn: Alive, in triumph! And LSP slain! Oh heck naw!

_Re-enter Furnius_

You must have courage to show your face back here again, Furnius. You had killed LSP, and I challenge thee. Her soul rests a little way above our heads. Now one of us must go as well to keep her company.

Furnius: Hmph, just proves all you Ice People are the same: a bunch of wild animals. I accept.

Finn: This shall determine who the real wild animal is.

_Finn draws out his sword_

_They fight; after a few minutes of fighting, Finn loses his sword and faces Furnius, who is about to stab him; Finn grabs a nearby bucket of water, throws it at him, and Furnius falls as he is put out_

Jake: Finn, away, be gone! The citizens are up, and Furnius dead. Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death. If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!

Finn: O, I am fortune's fool!

_Exit Finn_

_Enter Citizens_

First Citizen: Which way ran he that killed Lumpy Space Princess? Furnius, that murderer, which way ran he?

Jake: There lies that Furnius.

First Citizen: Here come the royal families.

_Enter Lemongrab, attended; King Joshua, Lady Margaret, Flame King, Flame Queen, and others_

Lemongrab: WHAT? ANOTHER FIGHT?! WHO STARTED IT?

Jake: O noble Earl, I can discover all. The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: there lies the man, slain by young Finn that slew brave Lumpy Space Princess.

Flame Queen: Furnius, my nephew! O my husband's brother's child! Those good-for-nothing Ice Citizens killed you!

Lemongrab: Dog! Who began this? Whose fault? Someone will be punished!

Jake: Alright, so like, LSP and I were just chilling, right? Heh, chilling. Then Furnius just comes up with his crew and he's like, 'I need to talk to Finn about something,' and LSP was all like, 'Oh no you ain't!' and then Finn comes in and Furnius be hating on Finn for nothing. So LSP got mad at that fool and they were fighting. Finn did try to break them up from it, but they wouldn't do it. Furnius sort of just stabs LSP and she dies. She was being all dramatic at first, being like, 'A plague on both your houses!' and 'Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man.' Oh, ha. I see what she did there. Now Finn got angered and challenged Furnius out of frustration, and then Furny died. Now Finn is guilty about what happened from this, so he stepped out.

Flame Queen: He's being biased just because he is part of the Ice Kingdom family. He's just trying to make Finn look good and Furnius bad. I beg for justice, which thou, Earl, must give. Finn slew Furnius, Finn must not live.

Lemongrab: Finn slew him, he slew LSP; who now the price of his dear blood doth owe? Gah, I am confused!

Joshua: Not Finn, Lemongrab, he was LSP's friend. His fault concludes but what the law should end the life of Furnius.

Lemongrab: AND FOR THAT OFFENSE, IMMEDIATELY DO WE EXILE HIM HENCE! ELSE, WHEN HE IS FOUND, THAT HOUR IS HIS LAST! DO YOU HEAR ME?! THAT HOUR IS HIS LAST! FINN IS BANISHED!

_Exeunt_

Scene II. Fire Palace orchard.

_Enter Flame Princess_

Flame Princess: Lalalalala. O, how I do wish to see my husband. We are just now married and I do wish to see him. I wish the time of getting to be with him could go by faster. Come, night; come, Finn; come, thou day in night. Give me my Finn, and, when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. The sun which burns so brightly as the Fire Kingdom cannot compare to the current night, for the night shines bright and causes the sun to appear as a simple campfire.

_Enter Marceline_

Marceline: Knock knock knock knock. Did somebody say vampire?

Flame Princess: Haha, no nurse. I said campfire. Now, what news?

Marceline: Ooh, how can I say this…?

Flame Princess: What's wrong?

Marceline: Well, there's bad news and…bad news. I'm sorry to tell you this, but…he's dead. He's just dead.

Flame Princess: Who is? Gasp, don't tell me…!

Marceline: No, no, not your husband.

Flame Princess: That's a relief, but if not him, then who?

Marceline: Furnius, your cousin, had been put out by Finn during a fight.

Flame Princess: Oh no, this is terrible! What happened after that?

Marceline: Furnius is gone, and Finn banished; Finn that killed him, he is banished.

Flame Princess: O Glob! Did Finn's hand shed water on Furnius?

Marceline: It did, unfortunately.

Flame Princess: Oh, this is terrible! If Finn is banished, we won't be able to see each other again!

Marceline: Well, sucks for you.

Flame Princess: Mayhaps my father can try convincing the Earl to unbanish him? No, most likely not, for Furnius' death only adds to the hate he has for the Ice Kingdom family. If I can only see that hero Finn once more.

Marceline: Will you speak well of him that killed your cousin?

Flame Princess: Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? How can he do this to me after we've been married for three hours? But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin? That villain cousin would have killed my husband. I realize I do not weep for Furnius any longer. My husband lives, that Furnius would have slain, and Furnius is dead, that would have slain my husband. All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then? But, it presses to my memory, 'Furnius is dead, and Finn—banished.' That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,' hath slain ten thousand Furniuses. His death was woe enough. There is no end, no limit, measure, bound in that word's death; no words can that woe sound. Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?

Marceline: Weeping and wailing over Furnius' corpse. Will you go to them? I will bring you thither.

Flame Princess: The only thing saddening me more than my cousin's death is the banishment of my husband.

Marceline: Fine. If you want, I'll find Finn for you to comfort you. He is probably hidden at the Ice Friar's cell.

Flame Princess: O, find him! Bid him come to take his last farewell.

_Exeunt_

Scene III. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.

_Enter Friar Simon_

Friar Simon: Finn, get over here. You're being a coward, and that's something I usually am.

_Enter Finn_

Finn: Ice Friar, what news? What is the Earl's doom? I fear whatever the punishment, I would be separated from my Flame Princess.

Friar Simon: Oh, you're just getting banished from this town. No death

Finn: Ha, banishment! Be merciful, say 'death,' for exile hath more terror in his look, much more than death. Do not say 'banishment.'

Friar Simon: You're banished Finn, and that's final.

Finn: There is no world outside these walls, but purgatory, torturous, Underworld itself. Hence-banished is banished from the world, as I could never be with my lady again.

Friar Simon: Finn, calm your beans. The Earl sentenced you to banishment and spared you death.

Finn: 'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here, where Flame Princess lives. If I am banished from this place, I may no longer have the will to live.

Friar Simon: You are not going to freaking die. Be grateful.

Finn: Being banished is about as worse.

Friar Simon: FINN! GET. AHOLD. OF YOUR FREAKING. SELF.

Finn: Oh, I'll have to accept the fact that I can no longer be with Flame Princess. My life will become a hollow shell from there on.

Friar Simon: Man, a lot has happened in just 2 days, am I right? Marriage, death, banishment…

_Knocking within_

Friar Simon: Arise; one knocks. Oh no, it may be the police! Finn, hide yourself.

Finn: They can do whatever they want to me, I've lost all care in this world.

_Knocking_

Friar Simon: Hark, how they knock! Who's there? Finn, arise. You will be taken. Stay awhile!

_Knocking_

Run to my study. By and by! Glob's will, what simpleness is this! I come, I come!

_Knocking_

Oh breadballs. Who knocks so hard? Uh, no one is home! Housekeeping!

Marceline: [Within] It's just me! I come from Lady Flame Princess.

Friar Simon: Oh, come in then.

_Enter Marceline_

Marceline: Sup Simon. Where's Finn?

Friar Simon: There on the ground, with his own tears made drunk.

Marceline: Wow, he looks worse than I thought. Yo Finn, get up!

Finn: Marcy!

Marceline: Well, I heard you were banished.

Finn: Why must you remind me? How's Flame Princess?

Marceline: O, she says nothing, sir, but weeps and weeps, and now falls on her bed, and then starts up, and Furnius calls; and then on Finn cries, and then down falls again.

Finn: All this is caused by me, and it never should have been. Oh, the terribleness of my greatest day of my life suddenly becoming my worst. I should just end it all here.

_Drawing his sword_

Friar Simon: Whoa there, Finn! Hold your desperate hand. Are you a man? Your tears are womanish, like mine sometimes are, but your wild acts denote the unreasonable fury of a beast: unseemly woman in a seeming man! Did you kill Furnius? Would you slay yourself? Do you think your wife would like of how you put hate upon yourself? What, rouse thee, man! Flame Princess is alive, for whose dear sake you were but lately dead; there art thou happy: Furnius would kill thee, but you slew'st Furnius; there are thou happy too. The law that threatened death becomes your friend and turns it to exile; there art thou happy. You need to accept what life had given you, man! Nurse Marceline, tell Flame Princess her husband is coming. This may be the last time they see each other. Also, find Flambo so he can give Finn some Flame Shield.

Marceline: Sure, I'll tell her, and then get Flambo.

_Exit_

Friar Simon: I'll find some reservations in Hotel Kingdom, where you can stay during your exile.

Finn: I feel a bit better now. Thanks, Friar Simon. Farewell.

_Exeunt_

Scene IV. A room in the Fire Castle.

_Enter Flame King, Flame Queen, and Brocko_

Flame King: Too bad about what happened to Furnius. Well, we were born to didn't have time to talk to our daughter about our arrangements with you. 'Tis very late, she'll not come down to-night. I promise you, but for your company, I would have been in bed an hour ago.

Brocko: Yes, what's been going on has been very sad indeed. These times of woe afford no time to woo. Madam, good night: commend me to your daughter.

Flame Queen: I will, and know her mind early tomorrow. Tonight she is, well, sleeping.

Flame King: Sir Brocko, I will make a desperate tender of my child's love. I think she will be ruled in all respects by me. Acquaint her here of my son Paris' love, and bid her, mark you me, on Wednesday next—but, soft! What day is this?

Brocko: Monday, my lord.

Flame King: Monday! Ha, ha! Well, Wednesday is too soon. Thursday let it be. Thursday, tell her she shall be married to this noble prince. If only Furnius were here to enjoy this with us, but oh well. But what say you to Thursday?

Brocko: My lord, I would that Thursday were tomorrow.

Flame King: Well get you gone. Tomorrow we'll tell her our plans about her marriage. Good night.

Exeunt

Scene V. Fire Palace orchard.

_Enter Finn and Flame Princess above, at the window_

Flame Princess: Do you have to go so soon? The night is hardly over.

Finn: It's almost daytime, which means morning. I must be gone and live, or stay and die.

Flame Princess: If you could only stay. My life will be so empty if you were to go.

Finn: It's either exile or death, and both are going to kill me anyhow.

Flame Princess: It gets closer to morning. I can already see the sunlight.

Finn: More light and light; more dark and dark our woes!

_Enter Marceline, to the chamber_

Marceline: Madam!

Flame Princess: Nurse?

Marceline: Your mom wants you. Again.

_Exit_

Flame Princess: Hate my life. Goodbye Finn! I shall miss you and everything about you, except maybe when you farted a bit last night. I'll need to get out my scented candles for that.

Finn: Farewell, farewell! One kiss, and I'll descend.

Flame Princess: No time! Hurry and just go down before my parents catch you!

_He goes down_

Finn: Wait, we're married, but I don't think we've ever kissed.

Flame Princess: Dang, you're right. But this isn't the time for that. If this were a different situation, probably, but no, you've got to go now!

Finn: Farewell! I will omit no opportunity that may convey my greetings, love, to thee.

Flame Princess: Maybe while you're at that, you can speak a bit more normally. Do you we shall ever meet again?

Finn: Perhaps only in dreams. Until then, I leave you with the thought of me. Adieu, adieu!

_Exit_

Flame Princess: Wait, dang it! I let him borrow my Heat Signature DVD and now he can't return it!

Flame Queen: [Within] Ho, daughter! Are you up?

Flame Princess: Yeah, what do you want?

_Enter Flame Queen_

Flame Queen: Why, how now, Flame Princess!

Flame Princess: Mom, I am not well.

Flame Queen: Oh, because Furnius died, right?

Flame Princess: Yeah, let me weep for such a feeling loss.

Flame Queen: But I've news to share with you.

Flame Princess: Oh, what is it?

Flame Queen: Well, there's good news and…good news. I'm happy to tell you this, but…he's banished. The villain is just banished.

Flame Princess: What villain madam?

Flame Queen: That same villain, Finn.

Flame Princess: Um, Finn? Oh come on, mom. Finn can't be THAT bad for you to call him a villain if he's a hero.

Flame Queen: He's not a hero, to us at least. It could be that all of the Fire Kingdom is evil, but he had taken the life of one of our own I remind you. And now the traitor murderer lives.

Flame Princess: Yeah, he's, uh…pretty bad. If I would see him, I would like totes burn him up.

Flame Queen: We will have vengeance for it, fear not. Then weep no more. I'll send a hitman or someone like Scorcher to get rid of him for us. Perhaps one from the Guild of Assassins could do it too. Then he shall soon keep Furnius company, and then, I hope, you will be satisfied.

Flame Princess: Indeed, I never shall be satisfied with Finn until I see him dead. I completely think my cousin was innocent and do mourn for our loss of him. And I'm not just saying or acting this because it's what you want to hear.

Flame Queen: That's a good girl. Now I have more good news!

Flame Princess: What are they?

Flame Queen: Well, well, your father found a good suitor for you, and he'd like to marry you!

Flame Princess: Oh! Um, uh, do you…really think I should be married at this time?

Flame Queen: Of course! Marry, my child, early next Thursday morn, the gallant, young and noble gentleman, Brocko, shall happily make you a joyful bride.

Flame Princess: Now hold up now! He shall not make me there a joyful bride. I don't want my marriage to be fixed with some dude I just heard about! I will not marry yet, and, when I do, I swear, it shall be Finn, whom you know I hate, rather than Brocko, and it's not like I'm actually married to Finn or anything, I'm just saying.

Flame Queen: Here comes your father. Tell him yourself, and see how he will take it at your hands.

_Enter Flame King and Marceline_

Flame King: How's everybody doing this morning?

Flame Queen: Your daughter declines her prepared marriage with Sir Brocko.

Flame King: Say what?! Really? Well, you just disappointed me, daughter.

Flame Princess: You can't force me to get married, dad.

Flame King: Now, wait a second! Who's in charge here again? I give you a gentleman of true class and you spat him out in front of our faces? What madness is this?

Flame Princess: Dad, let me speak. You suck.

Flame King: Alright, that's the last straw! You think everything in your life is bound to happen in your way, the way you think it should? I care not for your opinion any longer, for you are getting married to Brocko, and that's final! If you won't, you may never look my in the eye again, and I will no longer call you my daughter. If you weren't our only child, I'd burn you senseless on the spot.

Marceline: Whoa! Dude, you're being harsh.

Flame King: Am I? Do I care for the thoughts of the daughter's nurse if I don't even care for the daughter's?

Marceline: I—

Flame King: Exactly.

Marceline: May not one speak?

Flame King: Peace, you mumbling fool! My decision stays, and no one will change it. Ever!

Flame Queen: You are too hot. Actually, that is an understatement, since you're made out of fire.

Flame King: Glob's bread! It makes me mad. Everyone think they can do whatever the flame they want and forget I am their king! This is an outrage. If you need me, I'm going to go take a lava bath.

_Exit_

Flame Princess: Mom, please! You can't make me marry him!

Flame Queen: Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word. Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee.

_Exit_

Flame Princess: Why does everyone in this house speak all old-fashioned to me?! O Glob! O Marceline, how shall this be prevented? My husband is Finn, not that poser Brocko!

Marceline: Well. Let's see. Finn's not coming back. He's not allowed to. Brocko is a far better gentleman than Finn. Your parents like Brocko. They hate Finn. Brocko being married to you is actually approved by your parents. If they knew you were married to Finn, they'd do something terrible like disown you, exile you as well, or maybe even just abandon you. Now you are asking me for the logical solution out of this mess.

Flame Princess: You really mean I should forget Finn and marry Brocko?

Marceline: Do the math I just told you and you'll see that was the answer.

Flame Princess: There can be another way out.

Marceline: What?

Flame Princess: Well, thou hast comforted me marvelous much. I'm beat for today. Goodnight Marcy.

Marceline: Hmm…goodnight.

_Exit_

Flame Princess: Looks like I have to visit the Ice Friar.

_Exit_


	4. Act IV

Scene I. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.

_Enter Friar Simon and Brocko_

Friar Simon: So, you wanted this wedding on what, Thursday?

Brocko: Flame King wanted it so, and I will not refuse.

Friar Simon: Kissup. So what does the lady want?

Brocko: Alas, I know not of what is on Flame Princess' mind, as immoderately she weeps for Furnius' death, and therefore have I little talked of love.

Friar Simon: Boy, what a fool this guy is…oh look, sir, here comes the lady towards my cell.

_Enter Flame Princess_

Brocko: Happily met, my lady and my wife!

Flame Princess: Shut up, I'll never be your wife.

Brocko: That never you speak of will become false, love, on Thursday next.

Flame Princess: You're wasting my time with this, Brocko.

Brocko: Hm. Come you to make confession to this father?

Flame Princess: I didn't come to have some dude kissing my butt to me.

Friar Simon: Ooh, burn.

Brocko: Why must you act like this?

Flame Princess: If you are a man, why must you not act like one?

Brocko: Give me time, and you will see you can fall in love with me.

Flame Princess: I'm sorry, am I the bride here, or are you?

Brocko: Well, that's a bit harsh—

Flame Princess: I'm not even going to be your bride in the first place, so you can just marry yourself!

Brocko: Poor soul, you've been crying.

Flame Princess: You probably cry when you get a paper cut. Shut up.

Brocko: Oh, so sorry to hear about your cousin.

Flame Princess: It's not him. It's someone else.

Brocko: Well, remember that you'll always have me.

Flame Princess: GO AWAY!

Friar Simon: She plays difficult to get.

Brocko: Fine, fine. I'll go now. Adieu, my love.

_Exit_

Flame Princess: I hate him. Grod, I wish Finn could be here!

Friar Simon: We all wish Finn were here.

Flame Princess: Friar, I came here to ask: do you have any way Finn and I can see each other again?

Friar Simon: Well, I do have this thing you can take, if you seriously don't want to marry Brocko—

Flame Princess: Yes! I'd rather do whatever you have in mind rather than marry Brocko!

Friar Simon: Alright, let me get my calendar out first. Wednesday is tomorrow. Tomorrow night, make sure you're alone in your chamber. Take this vial I had made. It will cut off all pulses and circulations in your body, making you look dead. Your veins will grow cold, your body temperature lowered, and your family will think you have been put out. No warmth, no breath, shall testify you live. The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade to paly ashes, your eyes' windows fall, like death, when he shuts up the day of life. You shall be unconscious for two days, then awake as from a pleasant sleep. Your parents will send your supposedly dead body to the Fire Tomb, where you will no longer be bothered. In the mean time, I'll send Finn a letter. I got lonely quickly, so we became pen pals. I'll tell him about our plan, and he'll come here to rescue you when you wake up. Then, with both of you gone, you'll be able to live your lives freely together.

Flame Princess: And…you had this conveniently made for just now?

Friar Simon: Um, yeah. I have lots of spare time on my hands, you know.

Flame Princess: Give me, give me! Give me that miracle potion!

Friar Simon: Hold up, let me get you some.

Flame Princess: Let's hope this works. It won't kill me though, right?

Friar Simon: Uhh…

Flame Princess: Good enough for me!

_Exeunt_

Scene II. Hall in Fire Palace.

_Enter Flame King, Flame Queen, Marceline, and two Servingmen_

Flame King: Servant, get out of here and do stuff.

_Exit First Servant_

Et tu, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.

Second Servant: Twenty?!

Flame King: You're right. There will be tons of people. Forty-five!

Second Servant: You can't be serious.

Flame King: Go, be gone. Shoo. Out of my sight. Hasta la vista.

_Exit Second Servant_

Where is my daughter?

Marceline: Ice Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.

Flame King: When you say it that way, it sounds like a restaurant.

Marceline: Well, she's here now.

_Enter Flame Princess_

Flame King: How now, my headstrong! Where have you been gadding?

Flame Princess: I'm sorry for being a disobedient brat and I beg your pardon. Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.

Flame King: Now that's more like it. What about marrying Brocko?

Flame Princess: I met him in Simon's cell and treated him…nicely.

Flame King: Well, isn't this merry! Speaking of marry, I've decided to move the wedding a day earlier! It's on Wednesday now.

Flame Princess: Wednesday?!

Flame King: Go, nurse, go with her. We'll to church tomorrow.

Exeunt Flame Princess and Marceline

Flame Queen: We shall be short in our provision. 'Tis now near night.

Flame King: Don't worry I'll do the preparations myself. Just go and wash the dishes or something.

_Exeunt_

Scene III. Flame Princess' chamber.

_Enter Flame Princess and Marceline_

Flame Princess: Nurse, let me get some rest tonight so I can rise early in the morning.

Marceline: Why? You trying to keep secrets away from me?

Flame Princess: Um…no.

_Enter Flame Queen_

Flame Queen: You busy? Anyone need my help?

Flame Princess: No mom. We're good. Get out.

Flame Queen: Fine. Good night. Get thee to bed, and rest, for thou hast need.

_Exeunt Flame Queen and Marceline_

Flame Princess: Gob, this house is so annoying. What if this potion doesn't work? What if it fails and I do die? You know what, I'm gonna stop being hysterical and drink it, because I'm sure if I keep blabbering, I'll probably wake up too late.

_Flame Princess drinks the liquid mixture_

_She falls upon her bed, within the curtains_

Scene IV. Hall in Fire Palace.

_Enter Flame Queen and Marceline_

Flame Queen: Hold, take these keys, and fetch more spices, nurse.

Marceline: Whatevs.

_Enter Flame King_

Flame King: Wow, is it 3 am already?

Marceline: Yeah, why don't you get to bed?

Flame King: I have better things to do! Make yourselves useful and go do things too!

Flame Queen: Fine.

_Exeunt Flame Queen and Marceline_

Flame King: A jealous hood, a jealous hood they are!

_Enter three or four Servingmen, with spits, logs, and baskets_

Now, fellow, what's there?

First Servant: Things for the cook, sir, but I know not what.

Flame King: Make haste, make haste.

_Exit First Servant_

Sirrah, fetch drier logs. Call Peppermint Butler, he will show thee where they are.

Second Servant: I have a head, sir, that has an ache at the moment, and never trouble Peppermint Butler for the matter.

_Exit_

Flame King: Sheesh, what's wrong with my help today?

_Music within_

Marcy! Wife! What, ho! What, nurse, I say!

_Re-enter Marceline_

Go waken Flame Princess, go and trim her up. I'll go and chat with Brocko. Make haste; the bridegroom he is come already. Make haste, I say.

_Exeunt_

Scene V. Flame Princess' chamber.

_Enter Marceline_

Marceline: Flame Princess! Oh, Flame Princeeeeeess! Your daddy wants you! Hmm, silence. Flame Princess! Get over here! What, not a word? Are you still alive there, FP?

_Undraws the curtains_

What the heck? Flame Princess! Wake up! You seem cold, and your fire's not burning. Flame Queen, come here!

_Enter Flame Queen_

Flame Queen: What noise is here?

Marceline: Look at your daughter!

Flame Queen: What is the matter?

Marceline: Are you blind, woman?!

Flame Queen: Oh no, she's not well! Call help, call help!

Marceline: YO F-KING!

_Enter Flame King_

Flame King: For shame, where's Flame Princess?

Marceline: Um…dead.

Flame Queen: Alack the day, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead!

Flame King: I heard you the first time. Let me see if what you say is true. Alas! She's cold. Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff. Life and these lips have long been separated. Death lies on her like an untimely frost upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Marceline: Yeah, sucks, don't it?

Flame Queen: O woeful time!

Flame King: Bad timing, too.

_Enter Friar Simon and Brocko, with Musicians_

Friar Simon: Come, is the bride ready to go to church?

Flame King: Ready to go, but never to return. She died.

Brocko: Oh no! This is such terrible news!

Flame Queen: My only daughter, dead!

Marceline: It's too bad, because I thought Brocko would be a great addition to the family. Not.

Brocko: I am most miserable on this day!

Flame King: Alright guys, we can lament later. Friar, what say you?

Friar Simon: Don't look at me! I didn't do it! Oh wait, you're not accusing me, are you? Well, I say we ought to have the proper funeral for her.

Flame King: Yes, we must turn from wedding cheers to mournful sorrows. Tell everyone, they must be informed of my tragic daughter's death.

_Exeunt Flame King, Flame Queen, Brocko, and Friar Simon_

First Musician: Faith, we may put up our pipes, and be gone.

Marceline: Sure, you do that. Not a good time to be here and…you know.

_Exit_

First Musician: Dang, what's everyone's problem today?

_Enter Peppermint Butler_

Peppermint Butler: Ah, we meet again, music demons.

First Musician: Peppermint Butler, quite the fancy seeing you here.

Peppermint Butler: I work here. So, do you bring music?

First Musician: We do of course, that's why we are musicians.

Peppermint Butler: Good, then play us a tune to exit us out.

First Musician: No.

Peppermint Butler: Do as I say or I'll call Death upon you as well.

First Musician: What will you give us?

Peppermint Butler: No money, as we just need something to finish this.

First Musician: Ok, then.

_Musicians play as Peppermint Butler sends them all back to the Underworld_

Peppermint Butler: Your services are no longer needed!

_Exeunt_


	5. Act V

Scene I. Hotel Kingdom. Finn's room.

_Enter Finn_

Finn: Man, this Heat Signature movie drags on a lot.

_Enter Beemo_

Beemo! Thank Gob, I was getting lonely. How goes it? Is Flame Princess ok? If she is, I am too.

Beemo: Oh Finn. She is well, and but she will no longer awaken ever again. I saw them bringing her dead body to the Fire Tomb, where she may rest. It's terrible, Finn!

Finn: What?! She's dead?! Then I defy you stars! Curse you! I must get back.

Beemo: No Finn! You're still banished! You can only go back there in your next lifetime!

Finn: They can go eat mud! Do you bring letters from Friar Simon?

Beemo: No Finn.

Finn: No matter. Get out of here, I need alone time now!

_Exit Beemo_

Now I will never be able to be with Flame Princess again…unless…I must go to the store and buy some things!

Finn walks out to the town square of the Hotel Kingdom and stops at a small shop

_Enter Lady Rainicorn_

Lady Rainicorn: (some greeting in Korean)

Finn: Hello, fine shopkeeper. I wish to buy some poison for you, if you supply any.

Lady Rainicorn: (gives a warning in Korean)

Finn: I know a flask of poison is a dangerous item, but I wish for you to sell it to me anyways. Look! I bring you gold!

Lady Rainicorn: Hmm…(accepts offering in Korean)

Finn: I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.

Lady Rainicorn: (thanks Finn for the cash in Korean)

Finn: Farewell, rainbow unicorn hybrid!

Exeunt

Scene II. Friar Simon Petrikov 's cell.

_Enter Gunter_

Gunter: Wenk.

_Enter Friar Simon_

Friar Simon: Well, if it isn't Gunter! Do tell, did you deliver Finn my letter?

Gunter: Wenk.

Friar Simon: What do you mean that no one was there so you couldn't give Finn the letter?

Gunter: Wenk.

Friar Simon: Dang it Gunter! Now there's a change in plans. I'll have to wait for Flame Princess to wake up so I can deliver her to Finn. This is just great. You're not getting the fish I promised to you.

Gunter: Wenk wenk.

_Exit_

Friar Simon: Three hours til she's all better. I must act quickly!

_Simon trips over some stuff on the floor and falls_

Ow. Now it may take a while.

_Exit_

Scene III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Fire Kingdom Castle.

_Enter Brocko, and his Page bearing flowers and a torch_

Brocko: Page, give me the torch, and keep guard to warn me if anyone comes near.

Page: I am bound by your will to do so.

_Retires_

Brocko: Sweet flower! Oh, if only you were alive to be my bride! If only—

_The Page whistles_

Are you kidding me? I've only been here a few minutes. But it seems something approacheth.

_Retires_

_Enter Finn and Beemo_

Finn: Well, here we are. Flame Princess' casket. Such a shame this happened…Beemo, some alone time again, if you please.

Beemo: I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

Finn: You are a good friend. Hopefully we may see each other again someday as well. Live, and be prosperous, and farewell, good fellow.

Beemo: Sometimes I use your toothbrush. Just thought you should know.

_Retires_

Finn: Oh Flame Princess, if only you were alive to continue being my bride!

_Opens the tomb_

Brocko: Hey, it's that banished guy, Finn. And he stole my line! And he probably wants to do something to Flame Princess! On top of that, he murdered my love's cousin! I will not allow it!

_Comes forward_

Face me, Finn!

Finn: Huh? Oh, it's the Brocko guy.

Brocko: Yes, it's the Brocko guy. I am here to slay you, beast! Let us fight!

Finn: Uh, just so you know, I'm pretty sure I have more sword skill than you, but—

Brocko: No matter, I shall defeat you for my love! For Flame Princess! Aaaaaaah!

_Brocko charges at Finn, who sticks his sword out casually to stop Brocko, but Brocko continues charging and runs into Finn's sword_

Brocko: O, I am slain!

_Falls_

If thou be merciful, open the tomb, lay me with Flame Princess.

Finn: Oh, uh…sorry to tell you this, but I've been married to Flame Princess secretly. I don't think I should do it because…you know. She never liked you.

Brocko: Oh. Poo.

_Dies_

_Finn kicks his dead body into a hole_

Finn: Wow, he must be the unluckiest guy in this entire story. All he wanted to do was to marry my wife, and I killed him because of that. Oh well. My love, even in death, your beauty shines the entire room, and there is no force that will separate us. That is why I must die too, only to be with you. Let's hope this poison's effects are quick.

_Finn is about to place the poison to his lips, when suddenly, Flame Princess wakes up_

Flame Princess: Ugh, my head…what's going on…? Finn, what are you doing here?

Finn: Flame Princess? You're alive?!

Flame Princess: Uh…yeah…didn't the Ice Friar tell you?

Finn: No.

Flame Princess: I was gonna pretend to be dead so I can escape and we can live together and stuff.

Finn: Oh. Good thing I didn't kill myself, then.

Flame Princess: Yeah, because I might have been stupid and done the same thing. Luckily I woke up just before you drank any poison.

Finn: Well, here we are alive and together. We should celebrate with a kiss because we haven't even done that since we met and even after we got married.

Flame Princess: Oh yeah…ok!

Choose Goose: Stop the play! Stop the play!

Stop the play, I say!

_Play freezes_

Now, before we go on, I must tell you this

Flame Princess' emotions become unstable with a kiss

Since Finn hasn't done it so far, as we can see

The whole kingdom is about to go ka-blooey!

Alright now, on with the show

I have a barber appointment and I need to go

_Play starts back again_

_Finn and Flame Princess kiss, and her unstable matrix causes fire to erupt all over the room_

Finn: What's going on?

Flame Princess: I don't know!

_More fire explodes and starts going all over the tomb; it eventually reaches some of the Fire Kingdom, which is unharmed at first_

_Enter Friar Simon_

Friar Simon: Whoo, I finally made it to the Fire Tomb. Hopefully nothing bad happened as I was—

Friar Simon is hit with balls of fire being shot from the Fire Tomb

Friar Simon: Gah!

_The fire began growing larger until the Fire Kingdom was lit up with more flames than usual; now it was making its way to the Ice Kingdom, and it was melting all the ice into water_

Margaret: What's going on?

Joshua: We're being attacked!

_The ice turned into water and began flooding the Fire Kingdom, whose flames were being put out_

Flame Queen: What's going on?

Flame King: We're being attacked!

Marceline: I'll get the popcorn!

_Back at the Fire Tomb, Finn and Flame Princess were watching all the destruction they've caused_

Finn: You feel better now?

Flame Princess: Yeah, I think, but too bad about what happened with these kingdoms.

_As they watched the Ice Kingdom melting and the Fire Kingdom being put out, Jake appeared, and he was lit on fire_

Jake: Aaaaaah! Stop drop roll! Stop drop roll!

Finn: Hey Jake!

Jake: Finn? Aren't you—?

Finn: Forget that, we need to save our peeps!

_Finn, Jake, and Flame Princess got on a volcanic ice rock, hoping not to touch the liquid mix of lava and near-melted ice water that flooded the entire village_

_Meanwhile, Flame King and Flame Queen were on their own lava rock trying to find survivors and shelter_

Flame King: How did this even happen?

Flame Queen: I blame them!

_Flame Queen points to Joshua and Margaret, who were on an iceberg_

Margaret: Hey, we didn't start this!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn't!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn't!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn't!

_Meanwhile, Marceline finds the trio group of Finn, Flame Princess, and Jake_

Flame Princess: Marceline!

Marceline: Oh good, y'all are ok.

_Friar Simon comes in paddling on a small rock_

Friar Simon: Oh good, I found everyone. And you didn't die, that's good!

_Finn notices Joshua and Flame King arguing_

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn't!

Finn: Kings!

_They stop arguing_

I was the one who caused it! Blame me!

Joshua: Alright, I blame you son.

Flame King: What are you doing here, Finn? You're banished! Off with your head!

Finn: Let me explain! I am…married with your daughter.

Jake: What?

Flame King: What?

Flame Queen: What?

Joshua: What?

Margaret: What?

Flame Princess: Yep.

Flame King: But—what happened to Brocko?

Flame Princess: I didn't like him, dad.

Flame King: No, I mean, what happened to him? Did he survive this?

Finn: Oh, uh, I, think I…saw him drown. Yeah. I'm sure he's dead by now.

Flame King: Oh, shame.

Finn: And we were married by Friar Simon, because we were hoping this marriage could stop the fight between our families.

Friar Simon: Hehe, now Finn, don't get me involved in this.

Joshua: He's right, your Fire majesty. We shouldn't be feuding all the time because of some stupid thing that happened to our families generations ago. What was it anyways?

Flame King: An ancestor of yours borrowed a Heat Signature DVD from an ancestor of mine and never returned it.

Flame Princess: Is that it?!

Finn: Oh, well, I have this one your daughter loaned me. If you want it back—

Flame King takes the DVD

Flame King: Pretty old…well, this is the exact same one! And Flame Princess had it? That means we had it the whole time, and this hate was for nothing! I didn't expect that to happen. Quite ironic.

Finn: So, we good?

Flame King: Oh, of course. I don't care about Furnius' death anymore. He wasn't a good relative.

Flame Queen: Joshua, Margaret, can you forgive us?

Margaret: Sure, and we can rebuild our kingdoms now so that we don't have to live separately.

Friar Simon: Well, this is nice. All's well that ends well, right? Wait, wrong play.

Choose Goose: And so, the two kingdoms ended their feud and lived peacefully from that moment on. After the flood, they found no other survivors, but they decided to have a single kingdom where they can live together. Finn and Flame Princess' marriage was accepted by both families. Jake eventually married Lady Rainicorn, who was the shopkeeper at the Hotel Kingdom's town square shop. Finn got a refund from his poison since he never used it. Friar Simon continued his friar duties as the kingdom slowly grew and expanded, with more and more people coming over. Marceline's nursing duties weren't needed as Flame Princess grew, so she bid farewell to the family and became the lead guitar singer of a popular rock band. Beemo and Peppermint Butler, however, stayed to help Finn and Flame Princess with their family. The Earl of Lemongrab was found several weeks later, and he decided this kingdom was too much for him and went to go live in the ocean. Gunter won the lottery later on in his life. No one cared about Brocko, and they didn't really find him. And there was no more fighting between them ever again. The end. Wasn't that a great story, real life Finn and Jake?

_Finn and Jake stare awkwardly at Choose Goose_

Jake: Wait, didn't you say at the beginning of the play that Finn and Flame Princess would die?

Choose Goose: Did I? I said 'They die in the end,' and they might. I never said who 'they' are, right?

Finn: So, we didn't die. It was that everyone else died, except us.

Choose Goose: Yep, indeedy, Jake and Finny!

Jake: Then why didn't you tell us that?

Choose Goose: Then it wouldn't make sense, as I had to keep y'all in suspense.

Finn: Look, just give us our things and we'll go.

Choose Goose: Oh. Sure.

_Hands items to Finn and Jake, and they leave_

Choose Goose: No one appreciates my stuff.

_Exeunt_


End file.
